Saturday, September 10, 2011


{Post: 252/365: Original Post: Verisimilitude}

I couldn't decide whether to tell the first kiss EVER or the first kiss that really mattered to me so I will tell both stories.
There are MANY firsts in life and even many first kisses!
My first kiss came from my first best boy friend. He and I did everything together when we were kids because we lived on the same street in the back woods of nowhere so there really wasn't much choice.
He was my first red head and YES he absolutely had the temper!!
I learned a lot of the things I liked in a boy from him and measured many of them against him in the future. He'd tramp all through the swamp just to pick me a flower, he'd give me his sweater if I was cold, he'd hold my hand if I was scared, he'd sit with me for ages with his arm around me and my head leaning on his chest, and we'd ride bikes together, collect eggs from the chickens, climb around the big dirt pit (WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO), explore, tromp around in the bush, play hide and seek and other games with the other kids on the street, and otherwise do all the things that best buds do together! I was 8 years old and he was 10 (if I remember that correctly) and he was ALWAYS trying to kiss me!
We were playing hide and seek with the other kids in the neighbourhood and I ended up hiding with him and our neighbour Ronnie. (I had a crush on him!)
For some reason while we were hiding, sitting under the canoe, Brian decided he would dare Ronnie to kiss me and I'm not sure it was really that hard a sell! LOL
Anyways, BOTH of them kissed me and I can remember I probably blushed ten shades of red and it was a good thing it was dark out by then!
However, I always remember it because I never really minded Brian wanting to kiss me...he WAS my best friend and I did love him you know! But, more importantly somehow I also got a kiss from Ronnie whom I had a BIG crush on and it made me feel really good! (He was my first OLDER man you know! ;) lol) :)

The other kiss was something different.
It was the first time I was kissed by someone I was madly, head over heels in love with. With all my heart.
I was terrified!
He was beautiful. He was the boy ALL the girls looked at and wanted and why not? He was gorgeous. Sometimes, I couldn't even believe that he liked me at all.
The truth is convoluted and confusing and doesn't really matter now but, one night on a weekend he called, I went and by that time I KNEW why. Of course, I went because I was in love with him. That I believed it meant anything to him was probably my age and naivety but, that doesn't matter either.
What does matter is that he KNEW I was terrified. He KNEW it was the first time really  and should never have toyed with me because he'd spent weeks, months even just being my friend and it never occurred to me even ONCE that he would ever WANT to kiss me but, sometimes boys just want to serve their own needs. Apparently so many years after the fact I still carry some hurt for the parts that shouldn't have happened but, he was SWEET and SOFT and gentle and made me feel things I hadn't known I could or would feel. (and NO I did not do anything with him but have a serious kissing fest!) I am NOT sorry for those things. Nor, will I ever be sorry I loved him. I learned things even from him and I'm sure now that they were valid lessons. I am stronger anyway. I survived a broken heart...though it did take a long time to fix myself and NOW I have a memory of a first kiss that actually felt like love to me. Since it wasn't the only time he ever kissed me I'm pretty sure in it's own strange way it was. Though truly, I could still just be deluding myself.
The thing is that I had no idea it could be like that and you can trust me when I say not ALL boys kiss like that either!! It was an experience worth having and left me with a GOOD idea of what I wanted in the man who would ALWAYS be kissing me...lucky me...I have been married 13 years to a man who's always kissed me like he loves me and I hope will continue to a long time yet! ;)

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