Gratitude: 54

{Post: 54/365}

Today I am grateful for:

animation

reminding me to dream

Sleep and Dream

{Post: 322/365}

restless sleep

riddled with dreams

strangeness

fighting

crochet

passion and pain

obvious stress

and worry

keeping my dream life

full and busy

and my sleep

from being complete

hot flashes

potty breaks

thirsty for water

cats causing ruckus

crashing and banging

waking me out of a dead sleep

and causing my nerve ends

to jangle

hope for better

and restful sleep

tonight

Striving to Be ME

{Post: 316/365}

is she me?

is she a

new version

a different

idea

all the dreams

and wishes

hopes and

desires

that I carry

in the deep

places

inside me

is she me?

of course she is

she is 

the hope

the dream

the best parts

of myself

she is

only some parts

of who I

strive to be

writing her

I honour ME

My HOPE

{Post: 304/365}

I found this poem in one of my stacks of papers. I don't remember when I wrote it but I would like to share it now.

once upon a moment

I carried a dream

in my womb

he touched my heart

for only a moment

but I have not

forgotten

I will never forget

he wasn't mine to keep

but he was, IS

and always will be

a cherished moment

of HOPE

Reasons To Shine

{Post: 256/365}

sometimes

I dream in colour

and see

full stories

like movies

in my head

I see clearly

the faces

of people I know

and also strangers

sometimes

I believe I dream

stories

I need to tell

ideas 

I need to share

and sometimes

I dream of horrors

and fear

but mostly

I dream

of hope

love

faith

and reasons

to shine

I Want

{Post: 252/365}

I want to live

a life of

integrity

and honour

I want to stand behind

the things I believe

I want to dream

and have the strength

and courage

to follow them through

I want to

live

eat

breathe

and

dance

with joy

and passion

I want to shine

with my own light

the light

of spirit and passion

the light

of love

deep inside me

Why Must YOU

{Post: 248/365}

why must you

always

say out loud

the things I know

the words that are already in my heart

why must you

always

say out loud

the whispers in my soul

the nudges and reminders I need

why must you

always

say out loud

the things you say to spark me

and push me one step further

why must you

always

say out loud

the lessons I KNOW

the ones I am afraid of

I KNOW why you must

always

say out loud

the words you say

the words that engage me

I KNOW I must

always

answer the call

 dreaming in the flame

my power and passion renewed

I KNOW I must

always

answer the call

burning myself down to the ashes

and rising anew a phoenix

I KNOW I must

always

answer the call

and be inspired to embrace 

the light, the joy and the magic within me

Doorway

{Post: 243/365}

I stand

before the door

of my dreams

on the threshold

of a magical world

I step through

the doorway

and enter

a sacred place

of swirling chaos

and brilliant light

full of hopes

and dreams

and ideas

and possibilities

for magic

of the mind

of the heart

of the soul

and I just

breathe

Inspiration Tree

{Post: 235/365}

in my mind's eye

I see

a tree

painted on the wall

of my office

with a door

the open door

to my dreams

to my inspiration

to my creativity

to the magic

and power 

I hold inside myself

to set it free

I must paint the tree

and the door

to my soul

The Pull

{Post: 233/365}

what happens

when you

feel the pull

the connection

the vibe

and 

for whatever reason

it cannot be 

followed

fulfilled

or chosen

and then

your heart feels

broken

a sense of loss

and a pain

for something that

you never even had

Shine

{Post: 214/365}

there is a light

inside you

inside me

sometimes

another person

helps us to see

and to shine

with our own light

sometimes they are

the spark we need

to be set on fire

to shine like the sun

to burn with a flame

to feed the fire

of our dreams 

of our heart

of our soul

and we are

forever changed

forever opened up

to the light

inside us

we blossom like a flower

we sparkle

we shine like the sun

and we know

that we are ALL

beautiful

JOY

Writing

{Post: 204/365}

fresh paper

new notepads

coloured pens

notes

scribbles

poetry drafts

grocery lists

story ideas

doodles

appointments

menu plans

to do lists

birthday reminders

the whole world

of a new world

at my fingertips

the flow of

ideas

both grand and mediocre 

and the beginnings

of a strong poet

and author

my dream

my plan

my soul laid out on paper

Dream

{Post: 141/365}

if you hide something
deep in your heart
a belief
in something you want
to achieve
something you
work towards having someday
we call it a dream
some may believe it is
only fancy
and will never come true
but it is important
to have a dream
and to follow it
all the way through!

a dream is also
something that happens
while you are sleeping
and can be
delightful
terrifying
or insightful
and one or all of these
can help you sort through
the thoughts and feelings
of your life

Dreams

{Post: 99/365}

I dream a dream

and hope

that it will come true

 that it will

allow me

to find the magic

inside of myself

and in swirls

of colourful chaos

and creative impulses

dancing in the sunlight

I will find

not only the magic 

but that I will be able to

share it

to sparkle and shine

with my own light

 and in radiant beauty

I dream a dream

and I HOPE

Aspire

{Post: 80/365}

the drive

that gets me

from point A

to point B

I have a goal

and I aspire

to reach it

I am driven

and I 

BELIEVE

it is a strong hope

a big dream

and yet

I RISE

to meet it

Sleepytime

{Post: 76/365}

late night

yawn after yawn

legs twitching

body aching

kidney twinges

eyes burning

can't wait

head on the pillow

covers pulled up tight

snug in my cozy bed

sinking into

sleeptime

dreamland

and hoping tonight

will be dreamless

(bad dreams lately)

Bad Dreams

{Post: 26/365}

drifting up 

from deep sleep

to the place of dreams

could be pleasant

but more often than not

is plagued with

weirdness

and 

bad feelings

sometimes fear

sometimes strangeness

last night I was

drowning

I managed to reach the shore

and then found myself

covered in leeches

and seaweed

I hate these things!

creepy and disturbing dream

but at least

it wasn't violent or bloody

which sometimes they are

dream meanings

are sometimes difficult to decipher

but apparently

I am drained emotionally

by negative thoughts

and need to trust my own instincts

more often

so says a dream dictionary!

who really knows...

I can do wthout

the leeches!

the seaweed!

and 

DROWNING!!

SURFACING or SINKING

{Post 2/365: Original Post: Dreams From the Deep BLUE }

I have dreams, wishes, hopes , goals, desires, and needs just like anyone else.

I struggle daily to move forward.

Sometimes I will have a surge of energy or inspiration from a story or book I have read, or a particular quote that sparked my interest, or  maybe from a conversation with a friend.

I will feel inspired and creative and think of many of the things that I desire to do or be.

Then I am surfacing from the deep; from the walls and chains of self-pity, fear, self-loathing or indecision that keeps me mired in the deep unable to shine with the light of creativity and love that glows as a tiny spark inside me.

For a moment I believe that I can do or be anything I want to.

Sometimes the moment is longer than at other times and in this period I begin all sorts of different projects, hoping to improve whatever I feel is lacking in any given area at the time.  I might start learning to drum, or begin writing a book.  I might begin a DIY project in some room of my house. I might  have all sorts of great ideas to begin that will make me feel capable and accomplished if I do actually complete them…

…and then, somewhere along the way I will begin to lose steam and start hearing the voices in my head that say you took on too much, who are you to think you can do this and be any good at it, does anyone really want to hear what you have to say?, you can’t possibly finish that project it’s such a huge job!

I will get tired and give up and then SINK into complacency and believe that I am incapable, believe that I am not good enough, believe that I am nobody special and I really have nothing important or interesting to say.  I’m really lucky anyone ever listens to me at all!

I am thinking long and hard now about the long path between surfacing and sinking and I wish to shorten it.  In fact, I’d like to abolish it altogether, surface completely and then ride the wave all the way to wherever it goes…

I am capable, I am GOOD ENOUGH, I am SPECIAL, and I have LOTS of relevant and important things to say!

I know that I am still going to struggle with the sinking but, it is long overdue time to accept that I am a beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, capable human being and I CAN do whatever I want to do!

So I have decided to consciously choose SURFACING as often as I can and NOT allow the voices that drag me backwards to ever speak again! (Obviously, they’re gonna try hard to drag me down and keep me stagnant but, I refuse to allow them power in my life anymore!)

I CAN write! I can drum! I can eat properly, exercise and keep track of my health. I can make beautiful jewelry. I can TRUST and BELIEVE in MYSELF! I can SHINE with my own LIGHT and I will!

I WILL BELIEVE IN ME!!!!!!