Thank You Daddy

sometimes

my heart

is deeply sorrowful

and the missing you

aches inside of me

and I still wish

that you were here

to "get" my

weird sense of humour

to laugh with me at all

every time I smell

Old Spice

I think of you

and every time

I smell leather

so when I found

this little leather braid

play piece

in the lacing container

I wanted to use it

to have a piece of you

with me

the spirit piece

and the memories

are the best ones

but it gives me joy

to have a piece you made

added to it 

a piece that I made

and it reminds me of times

we spent together

making leatherwork

fighting sometimes

laughing sometimes

sharing creativity

and joy

it's a treasure

and a reminder

of your love

thank you

Don't Worry, Be Happy

{Post: 132/365}
(love and miss you DAD xo)

what would you tell me

to do 

to get through this life

what would you say

to encourage me 

on this journey

i wish i still had

the benefit

of your knowledge and experience

i wish i had as much

fight and hope

and endurance for tomorrow

i am just trying

to get through today

with my spirit intact

i am not sorry

that i am here

and i hope that you never were either

where I am now

was just an accident of genetics

and not really anyone's fault

I am trying daily

to adopt a positive attitude

and follow your advice

because I finally DO 

understand

"don't worry, be happy"

I AM strong because of you

but there are times 

when I miss you so much 

it would be easier

if you were here with me

but somehow I will find my way

I will always be grateful

for the time

that I did get to share with you

My Father's Hat

{Post: 50/365}

it's just a hat

except it is 

NOT

it hangs on my wall

gathering dust

but every time I look at it

I FEEL my father

I feel his sense of humour

so very like my own

I feel his strength

and I know that 

I am strong too

because of him

I feel his hope

for himself and for me

and I remember him saying

"don't worry, be happy"

and I understand what he meant by that

although some days it is still a challenging sentiment

to follow

I feel his spirit

and I know that he is always with me

in spirit, and deep inside me

even if not

in reality

because I carry his memory

in my heart

and in the HAT

that hangs on the wall

of my bedroom

he made it himself

so it's no wonder I feel him

his blood and sweat and love

are in every seam and stitch

I cherish forever

the HAT

that will always hang

on the wall in my bedroom

and  remind me

of my father's

love, spirit, hope, life and joy

Dad

{Post: 48/365}

I'm thinking about you

a lot lately

and wishing

you were here

I'm never very good

at making decisions

and it always helped

to hear your opinion

to listen to your ideas

to hear your voice

and know that

no matter what 

you were there to hear me

and help me

figure out my way

sometimes

from 

arguing against me

but just as often

from

arguing with me and for me

you made me stronger

than I ever would have been 

without your example

and I'm grateful

for the time that we had

miss you

love you always

even though I do

hear your voice in my head

it is not the same

as hearing it for real

wish you were here

and

I know you are

in my heart

in my mind

in spirit

June 16, 2011

{Post 167/365}

Happy Birthday Dad!
     I miss you so much. Your grandchildren are grown ups now and maybe I understand your stress and worry for me better now. It doesn't matter that they are grown and out in the world, I am still concerned that they are doing ok, following their own hearts, finding joy and contentment with their work and relationships and LIFE. The youngest one is also someone you would have loved so much! I am sad and sorry that you never got to know him but, even more so that he has never known YOU.
Sometimes life has such great sadness.
I am still trying to find my way through MANY challenges and come out on top.
I'm trying to learn to "Don't worry,be happy!" I know what you meant now.
I know there are many things I wish I had asked you, I wish I had known about you but, it is gone now and too late to get back. I am grateful for the things  did know and the time I did have.
Thank you for being a father I could be proud of.
More importantly for being a MAN I could be proud of and one to measure all other men by.
You were good, strong, compassionate, brave, honest and loving and I appreciate the things I have learned and the person I have become because of you.
Thank you dad for being you and being MINE.
I love you always and miss you so much! xo

30 Day Facebook Challenge-Post #30

{Post 164/365: Original Post: (30/30) FatCatMomma}

Pic of someone I miss...
every day there is some issue in my life that would be easier to handle if you were still here with me to encourage and support and listen...and even to fight and argue and be irritated by my stupid choices lol
I miss you very much dad xo wish you were still here
even tho I hear your voice in my head it would be really sweet to hear it again for real! xo

30 Day Facebook Challenge-Post #2

{Post 136/365: Original Post: (2/30) FatCatMomma}

...wish I could get this as a portrait tattoo.

This is a picture of my father.  It is my favourite picture of him. I don't know why, I just like the way it feels to me. I have that hat hanging on a nail on the wall in my room.  Hubby has worn it before for his cowboy costume for Halloween but, I don't wear it. I just keep it because it is a reminder of the beautiful spirit and talent that was my father. He made that hat himself. He also made many other leather work items like purses, belts and moccasins. In fact, he also taught me to do some things with leather work as well. I wasn't as passionate about it as he was, but I definitely enjoyed it as something to do WITH him.

He died the year I turned 23 and I still miss him very much. 

Love you dad. xo