AJ's Basket

{Post 91/365: Original Post: What I Want MY Children to KNOW}

tiny wicker baby bassinet

inner lining sewn with love

sweater outfit placed tenderly

bonnet and booties

never to be worn

tiny baby boy bathing suit

and rubber duckies

from big brother

ceramic teddy bear 

and teddy bear candle

from sissy

an easter egg

a Christmas stocking

a birthday bear

month of December

and cookie monster baby toys

with love from mommy and daddy

and your baby book

folded up in a baby blanket 

and cover crocheted by momma

the book holds

our sleeping dream

in the pockets

pictures

a crocheted flower

a lost baby pocket

seashells for peace

a tiny crocheted baby blanket

a baby brush

momma's home test -positive

sympathy cards

your baby calendar

filled in, until...

a book for mommy's thoughts

of sorrow, of anguish

as she and daddy grieved your loss

once I lit a candle for you

but I need to no longer

I carry you with me always

and even more

when I look at the tattoo

over my heart

angel baby

I wish you could have stayed with me

but I love you no less

because you could not

your basket of things

sets my heart at ease

*love you forever*

mommy xo

I Love them Equally but not the Same

{Post 73/365: Original Post: What I Want MY Children to Know}
http://blogs.babble.com/being-pregnant/2011/03/15/mom-confession-i-think-i-love-my-son-a-little-bit-more/

I have been reading this blog post this afternoon and many of the various responses to it both positive and supportive and negative and judgmental.

I am unsure yet what my judgement is. This post has caused me to think about each of my children and my feelings about them.

I think I understand that this mother is trying to bring to light an issue and feelings that many mothers have had but maybe not expressed verbally or written for centuries. I applaud her honesty. I'm sure it was not an easy thing to admit.

I ache for all the responses to her post coming from children whose parents knowingly and willingly favored their siblings at their expense. It cannot be easy to grow up knowing or even just believing that your mother didn't love you as much as the others.

For the ones who see and recognize that this post is just one woman's voice of lament for the flaws that she recognizes and hopes to improve on. Kudos!

And now, I must weigh in on the tribulations of raising DIFFERENT children and the issues this can and often does create.

I have three children.  Beautiful, independent, capable, brilliant, vibrant, INDIVIDUALS.  Each of them is different and unique in his or her way and yet, EACH of them has similarities and traits bred into them from my blood and genes.

While I love them ALL equally, I DO NOT love them the same. Nor would they want me to! YES, when they were babies I cuddled them, bathed them, fed them, clothed them and did all the things that a mother does but, even then there were differences that became apparent almost from day one.   

My firstborn was sensitive and often very needy.  He got sick when he was a baby with croup and as he was my first I doted on him. So when he got better I was STILL rocking him to sleep every night and cuddling him incessantly.  He could not go to sleep by himself! I had to learn to put him in the bed and let him cry till he learned bedtime was separation from mom.  It didn't hurt him to learn to sleep by himself without rocking and cuddles! Nor did it hurt me.  In fact, I needed that time apart as well! These were things I learned from MY mother.
He was (and still is) momma's boy.  That's ok you know.  You want to raise a boy who respects and loves his momma. 
As he got older he grew stronger and more independent though he still loves it if his mom takes care of him! 

My daughter, however was born little miss independent.   She has always been strong-willed and I see no change in that now. Not only that but, she has always had a good head on her shoulders. She's made her own share of mistakes and learned valuable life lessons but, I have always known her to do the right things because she has an inner voice and moral code.  She and her brother were born 11 1/2 months apart so they were very close in age and went through many of the same things at the same time.  Because she had an older brother ahead of her she walked faster, talked faster and followed his lead.  Except when they got older he was often timid and she had no fear.  In many ways they were opposites.  Everything became a competition with them and to this day is an issue between them.

NOW, they are grown, out on their own, living life, making mistakes, learning from them, working hard, finding their way and making their mother very proud. I don't expect them to be perfect. I certainly am not. We have had our ups and downs, ebbs and flows through the years but, I think that we survived it and I think we can embrace the future with many more ebbs and flows to come.

Third, I lost a baby when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant which is a whole other story but, is relevant to this post because whether I got to keep him with me or not doesn't matter...I LOVE him as much as the other three even without getting to cuddle him and smell him and mother him every day until adulthood.

Last, is my baby.  He has always been a bright, joyful angel baby. He is not a baby anymore either.  He is now 10. HE lives in a different world than his older siblings partly BECAUSE he is the baby and partly because he has a different father.  Some of which is because he has a father in his life DAILY as well.  That masculine figure brings a lot to the table that was lacking in the previous family unit for much of it.  Anybody who has a blended family also knows how hard it is to be a father to children who are not your own.
My husband loves them as they are his own. He has been a good father to them and I think if you ask them both they will agree this is true.  But, that was not without trial and error and troubles along the way.  Also, the truth is that the baby IS his and while he doesn't want to be lacking in any way that he parents the other two this truly does affect this relationship.  There are ways that the baby is different than the other two simply because of his father's DNA.  The parts of him that come from DAD.  In him has been created a different combination because his father is different. 


But, again there are ways in which the three of them are similar, alike, the SAME.  I think it can be fairly safe to say that these things have come from ME. lol

For example, the older two both have curls and the baby has thick, straight hair.  He often wishes for the curls but, didn't get so lucky. Both the boys are gamers. Now, this could be because they are boys but, how can you really know? She likes games too just not as much as they do. One of the things BOTH the boys love doing is sharing their games with mom. When the oldest was younger he and I played games together a lot because we had a Sega system. The younger one would love for me to play with him like that but, he has an Xbox system and I have never been able to figure out how to play with that joystick as well!!  All three of my children have some of the little quirks that make me...well, ME and therefore make them an extension of me. 

I love all FOUR of them equally.  I would give my life for each of them equally.  I will share my food. I will share just about everything with them.  I will always have an open door policy with ALL of them. I will always try to listen, encourage and support each of them. BUT, when they need different things from me I will try to accommodate these needs for each of them and hope that the others know that IF that was what they needed I would give it to them as well.  I admit, there have been times in life when I have fallen short in this area because, I have had my own issues, because I am NOT perfect either, and because I have NOT had all the answers but, I truly hope they know that I have tried and that I do understand that EACH of them is an individual person with individual needs and desires and hopes and plans.  
All you can do is try your best to meet the needs of EACH of them individually.

I LOVE them equally though sometimes not the same. I deal with them individually because while they are similar they are NOT the SAME! ;)

Gibson

{Post 59/365: Original Post: What I Want My Children to Know}
Gibson
In old english means "son of Gilbert"
Beautiful spirit
Sweet soul
Other versions are Gib, Gibby, Giblet
Name is strong and unique.

James
A hebrew name to honour your grandfather
Means he who supplants
Earn a good place
Share a strong spirit

Peter
Each Pedro in spanish, Petrov and Pyotr in russian, Pierre in french, and Pieter in Dutch
The greek Petros meaning "stone"
Easily strong and solid spirit
Respect and recognition to your father, you are his namesake

Amberle

{Post 58/365: Original Post: What I Want My Children to Know}
Amberle
Meaning amber, a honey-coloured fossil resin and gemstone
Book character, Amberle Elessedil named from
Elfstones of Shannara (the) by Terry Brooks
Really loved the name
Love the girl named Amberle
Expressive and beautiful

Sarah
A wonderful name meaning princess
Ready to try new things
Able to adapt
Hebrew name
-
Anne
Name meaning grace; favour
Name origin hebrew
Each name combined gives an amber princess of grace

Marcel

{Post 57/365: Original Post: What I Want My Children to Know}
Marcel
A name of french origin
Roman god of war, Mars is the source
Can be Marcellus in latin, Marcelo in spanish, Marcelino and Marciano in Italian
Each version similar meaning
Little warrior.

Gerry
Expressing a part of your father
Reinforcing the theme of warrior
Relevant meaning is spear ruler
You are so strong!

Donovan
Origin is Irish and Gaelic
Name meaning dark, brown-haired chieftain
Oh how appropriate and full of import
Version chosen as honour to mother
A Dawn
Nuances of expression, your names are you!

It IS Miraculous...

{Post 31/365: original Post: What I Want MY Children to KNOW}
It is miraculous.
One day you have a baby with chubby cheeks, big eyes, an innocent heart and many questions about life and the world.
Then overnight it seems you look at an intelligent, capable, funny young PERSON with ideas and wit and charm and the ability to reason for themselves why the world works as it does.
Their ideas may NOT be the same as yours.
Sometimes if you can suspend your own ego long enough to accept it, their ideas are BETTER.
Sometimes they can leave you totally in awe of how smart they are and how in tune to the ebbs and flows and under-currents of  everything in life.
Then sometimes...again, they will show you the innocent child.  They won't really, truly understand anything at all yet and you realize, for but a moment you understood their vast potential to be everything they could be and MORE.  
That is why YOU are their guiding hand. That is why YOU teach them all that you know to be good and right and true, and HOW to work out for themselves with their own mind, ideas, perceptions...whatever other problems they encounter in life.
That is why you do the best you can to encourage and support and raise independent, capable, free thinking individuals with the strength and resolve to follow their own beliefs and convictions and hearts.
And that is why, when it is TIME...you LET GO.
You let them drop from the nest...and you watch them FLY!