Love the Skin You're IN!

{Post 42/365: Original Post: I AM a QUEEN}
I admit I have a hard time with this sometimes.
I have never been a tiny girl and I have never had a "perfect" body and while I'm speaking honestly I will admit, I would almost kill to have the body I was in when I was 15!
Back then, I was FAT to all the girls around me because I am big boned and tall.
I earned the body I live in by inheriting my father's genes and I thank God for that every day because the alternative is my mother's genes being stronger and I'd be a short, round butterball!! At least I AM tall, and also I'm pretty well evenly proportioned so there is that! However, I digress...I have learned through the years, mainly from being just perfect for my age and height and also totally over weight and unhealthy...so basically the whole spectrum of weights and sizes that, I was GOOD when I was 15.
If I'd only liked and accepted myself back then maybe I'd not hate so much the body I'm in now! The thing is that life is a process and a journey and part of it is learning to love yourself the way you are.
I don't like my arms or my stomach.
My arms at one point were bigger around than those of my father.  What woman ever wants to admit that? OMG! I don't want to admit it really but nevertheless it IS a fact.
My stomach is hideous. It is just a big mess of stretch marks and flabby excessive skin.
I gave birth to four children. The third one I lost when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant but that was not before the skin had begun to stretch again so I must also count that pregnancy as a factor in the growth or rather non-shrinking of my stomach skin.
Each pregnancy made the stretch marks worse and I had no idea about whether or not it was possible to heal them at the time so I just suffered with the big ugly purple EVIL grooves in my skin. Gross! Now, they have faded almost to the same colour as the rest of my skin but, still I can see them when I stand naked in front of the mirror and I hate them.
They are an ugly horrible part of my body I wish were not there.
So here's the thing. Maybe, only having two parts I really hate out of all the other body parts I have isn't so bad. Maybe if I can manage to teach my brain to respect and honour the fact that the stomach stretched as a result of carrying four beautiful miracles. Never mind the fact that one of them was lost to me the fact is I gave birth to four children and three of them are beautiful, healthy, fascinating, wonderful people.
I earned those stretch marks for a beautiful reason and I should NOT be ashamed of them or insecure about them or even disgusted by them.
I should just recognize and accept that they are the result of a process I endured to carry inside me the most amazing miracles that life could have ever given me!
Thinking of it like this makes me feel better!
As for the arms...well I don't like them and I never will and the only reason they are the way they are is because I DID gain so much weight and all of that was the result of a long, painful, damaging process I went through.  Then my health went kaput and I needed new and different medicines and a whole trial and error process to get everything back on track through which I lost about half the weight I had gained. As a result, I have big, ugly, baggy arms because the skin stretched and now hangs.
However, I have been through enough in my life and I decided awhile ago if people have problems with the way I look they can turn their head and look at the wall instead.
I am alive.
I have survived.
I have endured.
I have hurt enough.
This body is really only the package I come in.  It is just the shell that houses my mind, heart, and soul.  These are the important parts of me.
So, while I admit I don't like the arms and the stomach I have learned to love and accept the rest of me.
The skin that I'm in is good enough for me!

I NEED a Tuesday/Friday Cheeseburger

{Post 41/365: Original Post: Burgers, Boys & BEER}

Hubby, his younger brother and his friend all work at the same company.

During the winter time they are all laid off and at home receiving unemployment insurance because their job is seasonal.

So in previous seasons they would have Tuesday/Fridays...Tuesday is the day the pay comes in and we'd go out for a Tues/Fri cheeseburger, usually at McDonald's and then they'd get a case of beer and come over and hang out, play pool, have a jam session-Peter plays bass, Sky plays guitar and Shawn plays drums and they ROCK when they jam together! ;)

Occasionally they would also do goofy things like slide down the short hill in my front yard on the kids snowboard cause they were feelin happy and standing outside to have a smoke (no smoking in my house) and it's just the kind of goofy stuff boys do when they are havin fun together lol

As everything else in life, it changes and things that used to happen don't happen as often anymore...for many different reasons...but, DUDES I totally miss Tues/Fri cheeseburgers!!

I love my boys and I love the time I get to spend with them even if boys will be boys and are sometimes RUDE and DISGUSTING and DISTURBING and CURSE LIKE SAILORS lmao

They are still VERY fun guys and I enjoy their company very much!

SOOOO........if you read this guys...tell hubby you wanna have a Tues/Fri cheeseburger jam session...this house has been way too QUIET and DEPRESSING....it is so OVERDUE time for some goofy boys to come make noise!!! lol

;) DUDE I totally MISS you!!

Find the Goddess inside YOU

{Post 40/365: Original Post: I AM a QUEEN}

EVERY woman has a goddess inside her.
We need to learn to cultivate, honour and embrace all aspects of her...of OURSELVES.
The following attributes I have listed are the aspects of the goddess within that I have found to be important and needing acknowledgement:

She is comfortable in her own skin.

She is at peace with herself.

She values herself.

She recognizes her own distinct beauty from within and OUT!

She accepts herself including all aspects positive and negative and realizes they are just part of who she is.

She is TRUE to herself.

She IS herself.

She is kind to herself and therefore kind to others as well.

She takes care of herself. This includes body, mind and spirit. If she isn't taking care of herself she cannot take care of others.

She thinks positive always and finds the silver lining in as many situations as she can.

I am learning to value myself and honour the goddess within me.
I hope that each and every woman who reads this will also be inspired to do the same. :)

SoulCollage

{Post 39/365: Original Post: FEEL ME}
I found a fantastic website I'd like to share:

http://www.kaleidosoul.com/

It's all about honouring your own inner voices and feelings.
It's about finding the depths of your own soul during the process of creating soulcollage cards.

I'm a little bit afraid of the process and so it seems following it through might be very good for me to do.

I began today by pulling out pages of some old magazines I had stored in my junk room and putting them in a box. I will go through them later and cut out the parts I need to create my soulcollage cards. I need to clean out my junk room anyway so I actually began two processes today!

I am hoping through the process I will find and honour ALL the parts of me that need to be heard, understood, forgiven, and discovered.

I don't think it is ever a bad thing to know ourselves better! ;)

WHY I got my first tattoo...

{Post 38/365: Original Post: WickedSweet}
I thought about it for a very long time.
My mother hates them. She thinks women with tattoos are some kind of 'BAD' thing.
Apparently some boys ALSO think that because when the meet me they expect me to be some wild and crazy type of girl. I'm quite happy to disappoint them because I am NOT! I'm just a creative person with an artistic spirit and an open heart and mind.
Well, I know sometimes I can be closed but, I digress.
Hubby and I talked about it and decided we'd both get tattoos.
I wanted my second tattoo first but, I had never had a tattoo, I didn't know the tattoo guy and I needed to see his work and know if I'd be comfortable with him. So I looked for a design that I could live with and would never be sick of.
This had to be a unicorn because I have long, long been in love with them.
Beautiful, graceful, magical, wonderful and the epitome of faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I don't have to see or touch a unicorn to believe in it's magic, to believe in it's beauty and purity and being. Just as, I don't have to see or touch God to know he exists or feel him in my heart. In my heart and my soul, i just KNOW HE exists and loves me.
That is FAITH. That is the hope for things I can't see but can KNOW with more than my hands and mind and eyes.
That is what my first tattoo means.
It is as much a part of my inner being as it is now a part of my outer being.

It is just a simple outline in shades of my fave colours...purples, blues and greens and every time I look at it I STILL feel ecstatically happy about it.
It is a deep expression and piece of my soul I carry around with me, visible on my skin.
Getting a tattoo isn't for everyone but, to me is a perfect way for a SHY but artistic and creative soul to share something about themselves openly and easily.
I have found that tattoos are a beautiful ice breaker! ;) Even people who don't understand WHY you wanted one, or WHY you went and got one permanently attached to your skin, will STILL try to understand what it means to you. ;)
It opens the door to many wonderful and deep conversations and since that is something else I truly enjoy I am VERY glad I got my first ( and far from last ) tattoo. :D

Fresh Flower

{Post 37/365: Original Post: KD Bissonette on Triond}

perhaps an older woman

would embrace a secret dance

of ferocious fire and delicious rythm

and explore the open window

to magic

in the velvet laugh

warm smile

soft voice

breath and kiss

of a young heart

and desire

to be reborn a fresh flower

unbroken and free

List Poem #2

{Post 36/365: Original Post: KD Bissonette on Triond}

What’s in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom
hubby's medication
a can of shaving gel
an old and a new gillette razor
a tube of bakugan labelled tooth paste
a tiny cheerios cup full of dainty earrings and belly rings
a bottle of calgon morning glory scented body mist
a bottle of Ice blue muscle rub
a tube of calgon morning glory scented body lotion