RESPECT

{Post 84/365: Original Post: (Nov. 2, 2010) I AM a QUEEN}
"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different." ~Stacey Charter~ 

Below are some articles I have read each expressing the authors idea of what respect is:

RESPECT


Self-Respect


I would like to talk about all the many ways in which a controlling or abusive partner may disrespect us.
I think that sometimes many women don't even understand they are being disrespected.
How? Because it happens so gradually over so much time sometimes they don't even notice it's being done until it is too late to fix it or stand up to it.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!!
I would like to say having learned through some hard experience that a man who completely disrespects you as a woman or even as a human being is not a MAN, has no self-respect of his own and DOES NOT love you.
How can he love you if he loves himself so little that he can abuse you, down talk you, insult you, belittle you at every turn? 
How can you call any of his controlling, jealous behaviours love?
In a normal healthy relationship sometimes there is a place for a little jealousy and each partner will accept it as par for the course because it is what reminds us that we are connected and committed to each other and why. It will refresh our need to know that we belong somewhere and to someone. If this jealousy then gets out of hand to the point where we are then "bossing" our partner to do this or that or don't do this or that and trying to control their behaviour rather than just asking them to acknowledge our feelings and then accepting their choice then it is no longer healthy and is no longer respectful.
Then we are living in a relationship based on fear and insecurity.
By not learning to accept your partner's right to choose for himself and allowing him to do so is saying that you DO NOT trust him and do NOT respect him and sadly therefore are NOT loving him. Also the same is true in reverse...IF he is not allowing you the right and responsibility of making your own choices he is not respecting you either.
I like to keep the peace. I will often let a lot of things go because this is true. In the grand scheme of things many of these things really are not that important to me so it IS my choice to accommodate, compromise, or sacrifice for the greater good...for peace.
A person like me can't do well in a relationship with someone who would take a mile when you give them an inch because before long you have given up every basic freedom you never even knew you enjoyed. You will spend every waking moment walking on eggshells, living in fear, never knowing what thing you have done or said that was wrong this time.
Hoping today won't be another day full of fights or arguements about NOTHING just because he's decided you deserve to be punished for something he feels guilty about.
RECOGNIZE that you are worth more and you deserve better than to be told:

What you can and cannot wear.

What you can and cannot say.

Who you can and cannot talk to-(because every other man you look at including his brothers and friends IS somebody you want to go GET WITH!)

Where you can and cannot go.

WHO your friends can or cannot BE.

That YOU are NOW his property just because he married you.

That you are stupid, fat, useless, inadequate, ugly and NO OTHER man would ever want you! (You are just LUCKY that I put up with you!!)

EVERY nasty name you can think of and even some he makes up just to squash you like a bug!

EVERY other horrible, nasty hurtful thing YOU KNOW he says and does just to keep you under his thumb....
BECAUSE he knows...
YOU can leave.
YOU can love.
YOU can LIVE!
YOU can laugh.
YOU can breath.
YOU can learn.
YOU can grow.
YOU can dance!
YOU can ALWAYS find someone better than HIM.
YOU can STAND up for yourself!
YOU can LOVE yourself!
YOU can BE STRONG!
YOU can CHOOSE!
YOU CAN find JOY again!
YOU can shine with your OWN light!!
AND...........
That you ARE beautiful and intelligent and VERY capable of finding MANY other fish in the sea!
HE is NOT the only man that will ever want you!
YOU absolutely DESERVE better than the way he TREATS you!
YOU absolutely DESERVE the BEST!
BELIEVE IT!! I certainly do!!

I know so many ways of disrespect because I lived through them.
I hope that sharing my opinion will help someone else find her own strength.